Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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