i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
