i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
