I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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