did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
well, you know. whores of a feather.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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