If that was your dad, he is hot
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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