When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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