I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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