The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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