hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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