My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
