I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
