Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
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If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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