I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
