I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
