Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You're earring is so big in my mouth
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
