I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's never too late to be topless.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
