Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
