I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
