your parents love me but you hate me
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
