At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
