listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
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we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
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After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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