I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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