haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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