Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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