you guys were way drunker than both of me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!