I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".