You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword