No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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