the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
