"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
