So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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