I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
