Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
