you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
