I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
