So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
