Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
