my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
