Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
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