I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
