Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
