Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
