farters have to be the big spoon...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
