I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
