Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think my moral compass just broke
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