you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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