Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
high people should be assigned attendants
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
