I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
im on a boat
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