if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
