So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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