I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
