Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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