I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We need to rekindle our bromance
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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