I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize