I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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