We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
