I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have fence marks all over my body
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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