Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
