you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
