We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
