He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
