You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
