hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
