Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
