I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
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He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
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I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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