omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
