Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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