hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
