So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
