I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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