I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
