im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
