Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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