I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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