You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
